In the midst of the storms, He is there!

I have spent the last week going over some of the writings that I did in the first year after my husband went home to be with the Lord.
It has been 30 mths, since he lost a seven year battle with melanoma.
Craig and I were married for 26 wonderful years and we had a marriage that was incredible.
I watched as he totally surrendered his life to serve his Lord until he took his last breath. He shared the love of Christ with everyone he met. Doctors, nurses, young people, elderly, friends and family. He never hesitated, never complained and always praised God for giving him another day.

I learned a lot from Craig. He left a legacy of love and big shoes to fill. As I look back over the past 2 1/2 years, I see how much I have grown and have become so much stronger in my faith.
I clearly  remember the day that he told me. " you have to let go of my hand and take hold of the Lord. You are now HIS bride. I am going home".  That was one of the hardest things to hear, but it was so important. I am still learning to hold His hand. It is hard at times, because He is not a physical being. He is my husband, but He cannot hold me like Craig did.

I wanted to share some of my earlier writings with you. This is a prayerthat I wrote six months after becoming a widow.


My Lord,

As my life unfolds in a way that I never in my worst nightmares imagined, I still sense your presence here. I know that you are here, and that you are speaking to me,  right here in the midst of the storm.
I often feel you right beside me while I am driving, talking softly to me. Why it is while I am driving, I have not figured out yet. But often I have to turn the radio off, so that I can hear you speak. No distractions, no interference. Perhaps, it is the only time that you can slow me down and have a captive audience.

I am scared Lord, afraid of what the future may hold for me. Perhaps I am even more afraid of what it may not hold. I am not afraid of dying, at times I would welcome that. That would be the easy way out, to end the pain and hurt. But you alone no the number of my days. What I am afraid of, is being alone, of having no one to love and call my own. I long so much for a mate Lord, someone who loves you and will serve you together with me. 

Lord, in the midst of all of this I  want so much to serve you. I want to be in the very centre of your will for my life and bring glory to you in everything that I say and do.
This is so hard right now. I don’t even know what you want me to do. The enemy is on my tail so hard and he knocks me off my feet at every corner.
I need your strength and protection Lord. You promised in your word, that you will protect me, as a widow. Show your power and your might, and keep the enemy far from me, that your glory may be revealed.

Help me to be honest and transparent in all that I do.  The enemy is full of lies and deceit and wants so much to drag me into that. Gird me about with your Belt of truth Lord. Make every word that comes from my mouth be tested first by the fire of your Holy Spirit.
If I cannot be honest, then do not allow me to speak.

Give me a passion for sharing the story of your love and redemption. Take away the fear that grips my very soul and give me a power and determination to speak with boldness about what you have done in my life.

Consume me with a sense of compassion and mercy, that comes only from being so close in your presence. There are so many in this world, that have it worse off than I do.
May I step up to the plate and share your love with those I come in contact with.
It is only through your power, strength and courage that I can do anything.
I surrender my will to you. Use me my Lord,  as you see fit.